Dancing With How Life Turns Out

Buckle up because life happens.
And its guaranteed to not turn out how you expect it.
But don’t worry, that’s not a bad thing, unless you’re overly attached to the outcome.

Building toward a dream or desire is a beautiful process, but it’s just as important to dance with the journey that gets you there. As we create, we adapt to our creations and the outcomes that come with them. In doing so, we can find joy in the process itself, rather than disappointment in the outcome—because the result will never be exactly what we imagined.

Becoming Unattached to an Outcome

Take time to imagine both the best possible outcome and the worst possible outcome. When the smoke clears, and everything is said and done, things are guaranteed to be somewhere in the middle. 

Now the question is: Could you handle both outcomes?

This is not about being pessimistic, but about allowing yourself to become less attached to any one outcome and instead being more involved in the process and prepared for when things don’t go the way that you wanted. If  you can prepare yourself for that range of outcomes and not be fully attached to any one of them then you are prepared for life. Because the only power you have in life is over yourself and what you can do —Not over world event or with other people. That means you will interact with situations you have no control over, a lot.

Being Stable In an Unstable World

So why is all of this important? 
Because being too attached to an outcome can be emotionally devastating and mentally exhausting. It can create feelings of agitation, being upset and disillusionment. When you become only focused on one outcome you forget to flow with the world and it creates the belief that something outside of you must happen for you to be okay, making your happiness dependent on the world around you making your happiness dependent on the world around you. At its core, it gives away your power.

Being attached to something having to be a certain way is like when you were a child opening presents on Christmas day knowing you will get the exact gift you want. What happens when that gift never appears? Do you become sad? Upset? Maybe resentful? Do swallow your emotions to save face?

What if you did a reality check before hand and felt what it would be like to get the gift you wanted or what if you got none of the gifts you wanted? Would you be able to be present to the care that the person giving the gift or the presence of being around family? Could you switch from a fixated mental mindset to an emotionally present one that acknowledges your wants and desires but also flows with the reality of how things are?

I have asked many clients ‘has anything ever turned out exactly as you envisioned?’ and I am yet to see someone say that it did 100%. You will likely end up experiencing an aspect of what you want but never the full version. That is why it is important to stay emotionally grounded and not let your mind become fixated on any one thing. That attachment to the outcome can be devastating emotionally and deteriorate your quality of life.

How Do You Avoid Giving Your Power Away? 

Start by doing a reality check with yourself and ask ‘if this outcome I don’t want happens? will I be ok?’ Be honest with yourself. Allow yourself to fully understand the feeling and experience of that outcome. It’s not about denying the discomfort—it’s about learning to care for yourself in the face of anything that comes your way.

Then, reconnect with what you can do. Where do you have power?
But also what can’t you do? Where do you not have power?
Remember there are area in life where you have power and areas you don’t.

If you want an empowered life, focus on where you have power.

If you want to have a disempowered life, focus on where you don’t —and complain a lot about it.

Goals

Now does this mean don’t have dreams or aspirations or goals? No.
What it means is be in flow with what you are heading towards, allow gratitude, allow growth. When we become focused on a single outcome we become too rigid with our goals and desires. When we allow flexibility with the creation of that goal then we become more involved in the experience of achieving it.

Because you can ask the question what percent of achieving a goal is the process and what percent is having that goal? Maybe 2% or 5% is actually the experience of achievement? We will inevitably spend more time heading towards a goal then actually enjoying that goal we set out for.

So let’s say an individual wants to become a millionaire and in doing so he pushes his body beyond its limits, he is stressed and burnt out but he achieves his goal. Will he still be stressed after he achieves it? Probably, since he programmed his body to be that way the entire time. What if he achieved the wealth that he wanted but then died of a heart attack the day after? Would it be worth it?

On the other hand what if an individual had the goal of becoming a millionaire and never achieved it but instead enjoy every moment of the process and learned from what he did. He didn’t achieve what he set out to do but his quality of life was high. Would that be worth it?

How often does our fixation on what we want eclipse our enjoyment of life now?
How often do we become stressed by what we have not achieved more than appreciating what we have already achieved?
Does life start the day you created the thing you finally wanted? Or the did life start many days before that?

Adjusting to How Things Are (aka Don’t Poke the Bear)

Its important to remember when circumstance don’t turn out the way you want try to not make things worse.

Disappointment is part of life, misery doesn’t have to.

Take the time you need to adjust, to unwind, to recalibrate when things turn out different than you wanted because the worse thing you can do is make things worse. And the best thing you can do is take a step back and get your bearings and learn to flow with life again.

A Tool to Use in life

When going into a major situation such as difficult interaction or a big world event take time to reflect on what the best outcome would be and then reflect on the worst possible outcome. If you can come to peace with the possibility of both then you can be prepared whatever happens.

The more you can be prepared for any outcome in life the more you can be at peace with the world as it is.

And its also to remember to flow with life, acknowledged how you want things to work out, acknowledge your expectations but then also be present to what is actually occurring and how you can adapt to it.